An exercise in happiness

For this exercise, you might find it helpful to write it down or type it out. I find that it's easier, plus it'll keep a record of things you have already stated in the past.


To start, think back to yesterday, and remember something that made you smile. For me, it was talking to some friends back in Texas, and one had remembered a favor I asked of him about 5 months ago. The favor had languished in my mind, as it was not really important and wouldn't be affecting me until I met up with him in November (next week!!!), but now I could get it on my own when I head back in February. Nonetheless, the sentiment was greatly appreciated.


Next, think back to last week and remember something that made you smile or happy. Thinking back, it had to be Saturday, where I got to witness my coworker get married, then attending a BBQ with friends, and introducing what true southern BBQ is supposed to be like.


Moving on, this time to last month (October). Hands down, the last minute visit from my brother before he moved back to the States. My brother, father and myself went driving through Taiwan and stayed a night on top of a mountain, where we conversed, ate and drank some delicious 18 year old scotch. It was a father/son bonding experience that was never there growing up, and one that I'll cherish forever.


Now we get to the hard part, and skip years. Last year (November, 2010). I finally started getting in to my groove with meeting new people, and was introduced to a fantastic group of people at a traditional Thanksgiving Dinner right in the heart of Taipei. The night and the view is something I'll never forget.


Even tougher now, last decade (November, 2000). At the time, college was in full swing and my life revolved around the Longhorn Band, as I was on the Big Bertha Crew and my girlfriend at the time was marching in the LHB. The annual football game with the Aggies was still played on Thanksgiving Day, where we beat them 43-17 that year (I had to look that one up) and went on to lose to the Oregon Ducks in the Holiday Bowl. Since my girlfriend was from out of state and I didn't want to drive down to Houston, we spent it with others who happened to not be with family that day. It was a great time and a great meal had by all the wonderful people that attended.

This exercise is meant to help us remind us of those memories that have settled to the bottoms of our brains, along with so many others. However, in raising these memories, we also disturb those around it, much like sand on the bottom of the ocean, that we can use for the exercise next time. If you try this exercise I'd love to read what happy memories you dig up!

The storm has passed...

And with it, a calm has settled here in the form of brilliant blue skies and an air of change lingering through the clouds. Yet winter looms. The time of year I both love and hate. Only time will tell how much change this year's passing season will bring, but hope springs eternal.

I meet up with my friends from home for a much needed vacation in a little over two weeks, and that Friday can't get here soon enough. I look forward to catching up with friends I haven't seen in a year, to hearing and sharing things I've missed in my absence. That's really the hardest thing for me, not being there for my friends when they need a pick me up and vice versa. New friends are made, but they will never replace the trusted confidants that have been developed over years of bonded happiness and sadness. I still search for that dance partner in life, but she eludes me. The game teases me. Mocks me even. But I hold my head up and keep moving forward. That's all I can do.

Memories of yesteryear

It's funny how the human mind works. Each sense can invoke a memory long dormant, stored in the recesses of our brain. The smell of a flower. The silhouette of an image. The hum of a song. The taste of something you forgot you once had. The familiar trace of fingers along your body.

Sometimes the good memories show up, and it brightens your entire day. Sometimes they'll bring a tear to your eye and shake you to your core.

Good or bad, the memories that burst through make who I am. What I am. And those experiences helped to shape my life to the point it's at now. My mother passed when she was 39, barely having seen a fraction of the wonders that my eyes have witnessed in the last four. Her death fractured our family apart, as she was the glue that held us intact. Only in the last few years have the pieces of my family been precariously placed back together. It's been slow going, but the difference is noticeably night and day. This bonding of father and son and the continuing life lessons are what helped me decide to remain in Taiwan for another year, though my heart yearns to be back home in Texas, where my friends are, where things are familiar.

Don't worry though, I'll be back for a while, and before you know it, I'll be back for good. Just try not to forget about me.

I am...

I am a brother.
I am a son.
I am a friend.
I am a confidant.
I am Taiwanese.
I am Texan.
I am a Longhorn alum.
I am loyal.
I am fearful.
I am introspective.
I am hopeful.
I am filled with happiness.
I am empty.
I am tired.
I am imperfect.
I am human.
I am me.
Me.
Me.

We all have our stories

From the time that I was laid off from AMD back in 2008 up until as recently as today, I've been repeating some of my life stories over and over. I don't mind discussing my life and what's brought me up to this point, but just looking back at the last two years, I've lost track of how many times I've talked about it. Most all my closest friends in the states know my history, and I usually kept the same circles of friends and only met new people on occasion. Being in Taiwan, that's a bit different as I knew virtually no one when I got here, so I've had to make a whole new set of friends. It's a easy thing to do, because the expat circles here run so small, that you're likely to have a mutual friend or two with someone you just met, and then from there it becomes a snowball effect for the amount of people you meet. I'm quick to make friends with most people, but don't have too many close friends here, as I believe that's something that takes time.

Over the last few months, I've gotten to the point where I've developed a few close friendships, and we've started sharing more than just the superficial "where are you from, what brought you here, what do you do?" type questions. And that's when you start to delve deeper into the memory banks and recall the good times, and the bad of what's happened in your life. I had an hour long conversation on the phone (of which I rarely make phone calls) discussing some very personal/intense moments that happened in the past, and it just made me sick to my stomach some of the things I heard. If there was a way you could hug someone through the phone, that would have been an appropriate time to do it.

I believe that talking about something is a way to heal and move forward, as it helped me when my mom passed away. I was in 5th grade when she passed, and another classmate's father had passed away only one day before my mother. We were in separate classes, but our respective teachers told both of us that if we ever wanted/needed to talk to the other about anything to the other, all we had to do was ask, and they would allow us to interrupt class to pull the other one out so we could talk outside. Reflecting back, this helped me immensely with moving forward and healing. We ended up going to the same church, junior high, high school and even to UT, but as the years went by, we developed our own circles of friends and drifted in friendship. But her and I will always have a bond, and every year around the time that our parents passed away, my thoughts drift to not just of my mother and my family, but to her and her family. I reached out to her on facebook marking the 20th anniversary this past December, and she replied back saying that I had too had crossed her mind, and noting the bond that we shared. It's a bond that no child should have to share, yet I am happy that there was someone that was able to sympathize and relate with me.

We all have our stories. They're a glimpse into our past that helps paint a picture of what made us who we are today. It's part of the reason I'm here in Taiwan, to learn more about my past, my family and what they endured to get here. From that, we learn and use those stories to help shape our future and know what to do or avoid in the future.